Last night my Norwegian friend danced on stage bare-chested with a ladyboy. My Scandavian friend is a strapping young lad of 20 years, 6 feet tall and very blond. A tasty tidbit by the standards of your average ladyboy. Mad props to Norway for being so secure with his heterosexuality. He got off the stage and told me he still had goosebumps from the experience. He was like, "Everyone's laughing at me." I told him "No one's laughing at you. The chicks all want to fuck you, and the gay dudes all want to fuck you." I don't think that reassured him too much. He was uncomfortable with the whole experience for sure, and onstage went several deep shades of red as the ladyboy made him grab her ladyboybody and dance with him in a standing spoon and then peeled his shirt off and of course gave him a little kiss goodbye, but he never got agitated or aggressive and handled it all with good humor if no small amount of psychological discomfort.
At least two of the ladyboys were prancing around and lip-synching while wearing panties and stockings and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how the hell they kept their dicks out of sight. Was it one of those between the leg tucks like Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs? It's all a mystery. The other mystery was how a bunch of dudes who like to dress up as girls managed to have thinner thighs, flatter stomachs and slimmer legs than most chicks I know.
At the end of the show, the main ladyboy introduced all the dancers and there was much applause. One of the more convincing ladyboys-- and there were at least two where I would be hard-pressed to tell that they were actually men-- said to the crowd, in a high, chirping voice, "I love you all." The M.C. told her to repeat that in her real voice, and she obliged, in a "I LOVE YOU ALL" basso profundo that dropped me to the floor in utter hysterics. The ladyboy that stripped Norway down-- maybe it was the same ladyboy with the deep voice, I can't recall, it's all a blur-- came over to him afterwards and took more pictures, this time with the both of us. But really, she only had eyes for Norway. "He's beautiful," she said. Bloody priceless!
We were taken to the show by an Indonesian dude from the Javanese city of Surabaya. He drove us home on his motorbike and we kept breaking into huge belly laughs while repeating the "I love you all"... "I LOVE YOU ALL" pitch shift. Several drinks in at this point, good we didn't crash on those narrow Kuta-to-Legian streets. Never agree to be the third person on a motorbike, there's nowhere to rest your legs and you end up either holding them up-- painful after a few blocks-- or letting them hover just above the ground, which can get hairy on a sharp turn or a slender passageway. The Indonesian dude had been adopted by Norwegian parents and so could speak with Norway in Norwegian. It was the perfect icebreaker and there's nothing better than being introduced to a foreign culture by a local, so we ran with it. The nightlife in Kuta is pretty full-on and at some point he vanished when we got to the expat bars, a real shame as I enjoyed asking him about Bali, the Javanese and the sexual politics of ladyboys. This afternoon on way from Soekarno-Hatto to my hotel room I spent the entire taxi ride quizzing the driver on all the important Jakartan topics, such as traffic, malls and... traffic. If you ever make it to Jakarta, be sure and use the Bluebird taxis, they're an oasis of honesty in a mad sea of people trying to rip off Bules. The traffic in this city really is completely insane, and the utter lack of infrastructure that unfortunately characterizes the Indonesian experience only adds to the chaos. The only other city I've seen that can compare in terms of traffic, pollution, pandemonium and noise is Chennai, but Chennai tops out at 4 million whereas Jakarta hosts anywhere from 8 million to 22, depending on how you count and trying to factor in all the folks living there illegally. I explored the neighborhood around my hotel for a coupe hours today and I could feel the exhaust burning my lungs. Puzzling out the streets poses huge challenges. For instance, there's usually a main street such as Angsaka, but then there are a myriad of surrounding smaller streets (Sois, if you're in Thailand) called Angsaka 1 through 8, but these streets can run horizontally, vertically or diagonally, so Angsaka 2 may run perpendicular to Angsaka 1 and 3 may run from the end of one to the beginning of 5. Etc. No rhyme or reason to any of it. These next five days should be interesting.
hahaha absolutely hilarious- wish i could have been there!
Posted by: Sarah | June 26, 2008 at 05:16 AM
I cannot wait to see all of these pictures!!!
Posted by: Heather | June 30, 2008 at 08:13 AM